your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
