i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
