I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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