Moan for me like Helen Keller
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
