My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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