does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
