Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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