Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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