I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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