You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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