If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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