Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
