Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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