Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
