Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
