I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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