I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
