you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
