Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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