ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
