I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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