never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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