i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
