totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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