GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
