All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
