It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
