Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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