I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
