I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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