I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
