I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
