Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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