My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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