3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
