I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sarcasm needs its own font
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
