i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
