i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
