I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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