May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
