WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
