I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize