Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
