i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
