My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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