Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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