Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
