so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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