Just cropdusted the office
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
