I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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