The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize