I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
