I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
