You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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