remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
