I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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