Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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