dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
