Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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