Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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