Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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