the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
