He passed out mid-signature
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
