i need an iv and a liver transplant
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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