so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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