whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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