i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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