I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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