2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize