a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
