I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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