It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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