Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
