Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize