saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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