Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
